Reading time: 4 minutes

The longer a job search lasts, the smaller your world can become.

You may have experienced this. At the beginning, you feel determined and positive and reach out to friends, allies, and former colleagues. As time goes by and you’re still looking, you slowly begin to avoid those conversations. Submitting another online application feels easier than admitting how discouraged you’re becoming.

The hiring market gives job seekers very little useful feedback. An application disappears. An interview process ends with a form rejection. A promising conversation goes quiet without explanation.

This creates a damaging loop. The longer the search continues, the more you want to withdraw. The more you withdraw, the fewer conversations you have to restore perspective, test your assumptions, and explore possibilities outside the job boards.

After enough silence, you begin supplying your own explanations. You assume your experience has lost its value. You wonder whether former colleagues are judging you. You feel embarrassed about telling people that you’re still looking.

When silence starts talking

Estimated reading time: 1 minute

I’ve seen this pattern break wide open when people in similar circumstances open up to one another.

This resurgence happens without fail in small support group gatherings, or cohorts like the ones I have facilitated for MBA grads over the past eight years.

Participants often arrive believing they are the only accomplished professional struggling to find a direction or land the next role. The solitude and gradual loss of confidence have them questioning their self-worth at a very core level.

Then someone with an equally impressive background describes the same uncertainty, frustration, and self-doubt.

You can almost feel the relief in the Zoom room.

Confidence grows when people you trust remind you what you do well, tell you where your thinking may be off, and help you decide what to do next.

A long job search does more than test your patience. It gradually erodes your sense of identity. Shared support becomes the positive force pushing back against that false sense of inevitable doom.

Build support that does not depend on the market

This is why I encourage people to recruit a Personal Board of Directors.

Choose a small group of supporters with complementary backgrounds and strengths. One person may understand your industry. Another may have watched you lead through difficult circumstances. Someone else may recognize opportunities outside the track you have been following.

Choose people with integrity. You want supporters who care about you and can still tell you the truth. A board composed entirely of people who reassure you will feel good for an hour and change very little.

Then ask for specific feedback.

• What patterns do you see in the work I have done best?
• Where am I underselling myself?
• Which environments bring out my best work?
• What assumption about my search should I reconsider?
• What am I failing to see?

Listen like a reporter: take notes, don’t defend yourself, and look for repeated observations across several conversations.

Your board cannot control when an employer calls. It can help you maintain a clear view of your ability and direction while the market remains unpredictable. It can also hold you accountable for meeting people, testing ideas, and contributing.

Get out of your house and out of your head

Your Personal Board of Directors can manifest in unexpected ways. You never know where you might find a fellow traveler willing to step in and change your life.

Volunteering is a great way to clear your head and stop focusing on your predicament. Being of service restores your sense of agency, and the shift can show up in ways others notice.

One of my clients was a senior operations exec who had been out of work for months and was running on empty. I encouraged him to volunteer with a nonprofit he had previously contributed to. While he was there, another volunteer noticed how he worked and asked him for his resume.

He asked her why.

“You seem like a smart and capable guy,” she said. “I’d like to help you out. Maybe I’ll find someone who could use your talent.”

A few weeks later, she referred him to a company. That company hired him.

That is one example of what becomes possible when you focus on relationships and community. New people bring new questions. New conversations give you something to think about and something to share. And, as in this example, serving others reminds you that you still have something meaningful to contribute.

A difficult search can make your world feel smaller every week. Your response should be to keep opening it back up. Call the people who know you. Ask for honest feedback. Meet someone new. Find a place where your experience can help.

You may receive a referral. You may discover a different direction. You may simply come home remembering that you are capable, connected, and still in motion.

You’ll get there. It’s all progress.

So: what’s the biggest question or concern blocking you from recruiting your Personal Board of Directors?